Thursday, November 3, 2011


I'm so excited. Chris doesn't go out to work until Tuesday, the 8th so I get to go and see my Dad with the family on Sunday. Usually I have too much to do and am worn out on Sunday from all the running around I have to do on the weekend to go and see him. I just hope nothing happens to change my plans. Well, lets say I have no plans for Sunday and it should turn out okay.

We had a wonderful visit with my Daddy. He ate his small hamburger and fries from Wendy's and also ate his lunch plate that day too. He's gained a little weight back. He knew who Jessie was and that she was his granddaughter and that really made her day. I can't wait to get to go back. It won't be this weekend but the weekend before Thanksgiving and then Thanksgiving day we'll be bringing him dinner that evening. I hope he will have a good day then too.

Last night I didn't really sleep. My mind wouldn't shut down. My sister Kelly still isn't speaking to anybody especially me. I call her once a month on her cell phone. I don't know if she listens to the message or not but I refuse to give up on her as my sister. I don't think I did anything bad enough for her to disown me much less the whole family. I finally broke down crying and realized I'm grieving for her. She's not dead and that's what hurts so badly. She was born when I was 19 years old. It's like I've lost my own child almost. She was spoiled by all of us older kids but she was never a brat. I thought that chat we had back in April went both ways. She was griping about our other sister Cheryl so I was trying to tell her how special she's always been to the family but I overstepped and brought in some personal stuff about how my kids were never allowed to spend the night at my Mom and Dad's when they were 2 like her little boy is. I shouldn't have gone there but if she can't handle the truth what can I do. I've apologized several times and I've also gone off the handle too. Mostly I've tried to be nice. I went off the handle on her on my 50th birthday in June. Well, it was a few days after. She never called or emailed or even snail mailed a card to me. It was an important birthday to me and for her to totally ignore it really hurt. I called her in October to invite them to Jessie's 13th birthday but her anniversary is on the 6th and Jessie's birthday is the 8th so since she's been married she's always celebrated her anniversary by going away for the weekend. That has hurt Jessie's feelings to no end but this year she didn't even ask about Aunt Kelly. :( Nicky's birthday is coming up on Nov. 11th. I'm really excited for him to celebrate it on 11/11/11. He'll be 15 and I've been waiting for that date since the day he was born. I'm going to call and invite them but I know they won't come. At least I'm trying to make up and be good and get her back in the family. Oh yeah, she's also pregnant and due with a little boy on Dec. 30th. She sent my Mom an email when she found out she was pregnant. We heard it was a boy through the work grapevine. My sister Cheryl and niece Amanda both work where Kelly does. They have friends in common and I have a couple of them as friends on Facebook. It's really sad to see pictures posted by them of her on there. Also, I have her Mother in law as a friend. She's a nice lady. Not saying anything to her Mother in law when I've seen her around town is really hard. Her Mother in law posts picture of Phillip, my nephew by Kelly and it breaks my heart that we're not seeing him anymore. I can only imagine how badly it hurts my Mom to see his pictures. What makes me feel really bad is that my sister's husband was estranged from his Father and she made sure to get them together. I guess we don't count. I feel like all the years never counted sometimes. Anyway, that's where my heart and head are now. I'm grieving. Maybe someday I'll have my baby sister back.

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