Sunday, June 20, 2010
Off
Feeling off or lost today. I really enjoyed seeing my Daddy yesterday and loved how it seemed part of him was there with us. But today I've been feeling lost. I always sent my Daddy yellow roses for Father's Day but we can't give him flowers in the hospital because he might throw the vase at the nurses when he's having a bad day. My sister took a couple of stems of daisies up to him yesterday but its not the same thing. It's just been bugging me so much today how much I'm missing my Daddy and he's not gone, but, then again he is gone. Its hard to explain these feelings I'm having. Chris should get it since he hasn't seen his Dad in 8 years but he doesn't. Maybe it's a girl thing. Maybe its hormonal. I don't know. Looking at the pictures we took makes me realize how tiny he is looking again and his skin has that translucent look to it again too. I know he's not eating much anymore and he's taken to staying in bed more too. I know this is part of the process we'll be going through but its hard to stay light spirited but I try to do it for my Mom. She's been a rock for all of us and is very strong hearted. I did get to have a happy moment today. My brother did get a good picture of all 5 of us so I was very happy.
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That's a great picture!!
ReplyDeleteI think what you are going thru is just part of the stages of dealing with what is going on with your father. Don't beat yourself up. You need to grieve and deal with what is going on because you are in a limbo state in a way. It's hard, and you need to give yourself that time. It's ok to be sad. And buy those yellow roses. Keep them with a picture of him in better days. Nothing wrong with keeping your traditions to make yourself feel better.